What day is it? Wednesday? Can someone please tell me? I don’t have a paper calendar, so there’s no way to know. And I can’t trust Dieter.
What’s that? There are Twitter accounts and bots that can tell me the days of the week? Perfect, I never stop scrolling.
INT. STUDIO APARTMENT — AFTERNOON
A man stands at his desk in front of the cold light of a computer monitor. We HEAR anxious TYPING as the man MASHES the keys on his keyboard. His eyes DART back and forth as he searches for treasures hidden in the depths of the internet.
Hours pass, and then…
Huzzah! I found accounts that will tell me the days of the week! Well, mostly. Here they are:
I can’t find an account that’s dedicated to posting when it is Tuesday. This means I may never know when it is Tuesday. (If you know of a Tuesday-focused account, please tell me.)
Follow @FridaySailer, which congratulates you for making it to Friday with a picture of Mr. Krabs and a song that I’m 99 percent certain is used in SpongeBob.
Saturday and Sunday / the weekend
Follow @CraigWeekend, which posts a clip of Daniel Craig saying “ladies and gentlemen, The Weeknd” with a disaffected shrug of his shoulders every Friday evening. Yes, I know Craig doesn’t explicitly say the words Saturday and Sunday, but he tells me when the weekend starts, which is really all the information I need.
Every day of the week
If you don’t want to follow all of those accounts, follow @TodaysDayToday, made by The Verge’s own Chaim Gartenberg, which tells you the day of the week every morning. (It’ll be really helpful for me on Tuesdays.)
Today is Friday.
— What day is it today? (@TodaysDayToday) March 19, 2021